The Bro Code Article #1
Thou shalt not sleep with your Bro’s ex-girlfriend.


The Bro Code Article #29
A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro of an impending or ongoing girl fight.

The Bro Code Article #34
Thou shalt not make make eye contact during a Devil’s Three-way.

The Bro Code Article #53
A Bro shall, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection.

The Bro Code Article #56
A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it’s cool.

The Bro Code Article #57
A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro / chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

The Bro Code Article #58
If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro’s girlfriend’s birthday and / or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

The Bro Code Article #59
One Bro makes a solo chick attack.
A second Bro provides a crutch.
A third Bro rounds out the pack.
But a fourth Bro is one too much.

The Bro Code Article #60
Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girl’s wildly unattractive cousin / friend / mother.

The Bro Code Article #61
A Bro shall honor his father and mother.

The Bro Code Article #62
In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo shall determine the outcome.

The Bro Code Article #63
In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in ANY capacity, including but not limited to; the high five, the first bump, or the congratulatory gluteal pat. Winking is also kind of a no-no.

The Bro Code Article #64
A Bro much provide his bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro’s favorite sports team in a playoff scenario.

The Bro Code Article #65
A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drink(s) among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supersedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.

The Bro Code Article #66
If a Bro suffers pain from a permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a “that sucks, man” and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary – deserved or not – regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

The Bro Code Article #67
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.

The Bro Code Article #68
If a Bro is on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possibly to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporarily immigrating to a foreign country.
The Bro Code Artice #87
A Bro shalt at all times say yes.

The Bro Code Artice #89
Mom of a Bro is always off limits, but a Stepmom is fair game if she initiates it or is wearing at least one piece of leopard print.