New Year's Resolution
A young man at a New Year's party turns to his
friend and asks for a cigarette.
"I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit
smoking,'"his friend says.
"I'm in the process of quitting," the man says.
"Right now, I am in the middle of phase one."
"What's phase one?'"
"I've quit buying."


New Year's Dinner
As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.

Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.

"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."